Because I don’t know where to start, I’ll just start right in the middle. That’s where I want you to be. In the middle, in the midst, of my daily life. Not my rants and raves. Just right in the middle of my boring suburbia life. Why? Because I fought long and hard to get to this spot. That’s right – this boring spot.
Most recently, I turned 40. At first nothing changed, I felt exactly how I felt between 30 and 39. But soon after, I started creating this manifesto in my head. What have I done at 40? What have I really accomplished? I’m single, no children, no actual responsibilities other than being an occasional reluctant accidental workaholic.
I stare at myself in the mirror. Wondering where is that 21 year old me, the one who came fresh out of university wanting to save the world? In a more basic level, where is that 21 year old body of mine. I lost her halfway to 40. I wish I could say these were just numbers. But the numbers on my weighing scale were more difficult to ignore and shrug off as just numbers.
So quite recently, and perhaps not so by accident this time, I discovered a gym right in between where I work and where I live. So guess what, I signed up. Thinking this is how I will find my 21 year old mirror me, hopefully in my 41 year old me.
So lately I find myself working with a purpose. I need to focus on work during work. Then at precisely 6:00 pm I leave all the stress behind on my desk, including my work laptop and head to the gym. Twice a week I see my personal trainer. He pushes. I feel no strain, I tell him I need more. Because I am driven. There are many reasons for this. Some things I can tell you. But some things remain very private, even if I know this is my blog. Precisely because this is my blog. I know some things remain in my offline, unwired life, where real living happens. So let me tell you the many reasons why I am trying to claim my body back.
I want to do my 100 km bike ride for my 41st birthday. Because I know I can do it, even if the longest I have ever done was a 60 km ride. I only know I can do this because I really want to badly.
I want to conquer my hypertension and my high cholesterol levels that are both built-in in my DNA. In 2009, just so suddenly, I developed high-blood pressure. It was stress induced, for sure, but also because I already had it in me. It ran deeply in my family tree, and age didn’t matter at all. So I take medication to control it. But also, I need to watch what I eat on a regular basis.
I want to fight cancer. That too is built-in in my genes. It scares me. Because it happens to people I know. I don’t ever ever want it to happen to me.
I want to lose 30 lbs. I want to look at the mirror and like what I see. I mean really like what I see. Further, I want to fit into that little black dress and be able to turn heads.
Right at the end of last winter, I adopted the most gorgeous long-haired mini dachshund. Such a long name for a wiener dog. At the end of the day, he is happiest when I step inside the door. He has the shortest legs you have ever seen on a dog, but boy can he run. He runs every night, indoors. He is small and our 2nd floor is long. He is lucky that way. I want to be able to not just take him for walks on weekends, I want to run with him and play with him at the park. Running. That I think is his second happiest thing.
Because my dog is a runner, I need to be a runner. In less than a week, I have taken on two fitness challenges. I’m helping a colleague at work to reach her personal goal, that is to run a marathon. So I told her that she should start with the first milestone. Yesterday we both signed up to do a 5 km run by May 2012. Easy-peasy? Not for me, the reason why I ride the bike is because I don’t like to run. But who says I can’t start now? The other fitness challenge I accepted happened earlier on last weekend. A dear friend of mine promised that if I vow to do a 10 km run, in return he will train for his first triathlon. And today, unbeknownst to my trainer, we started with 30 second interval runs on the treadmill. So I told him tonight that I signed up for the 5 km segment for the Mississauga Marathon. He said he’s training for the same event as well, for half or full? I didn’t ask. I was more bothered that since I’ve told him, now I have to train for it for real.
Then comes my dream goals. There are three: roller-blading, snowboarding and the 200 km ride for the Ride to Conquer Cancer that finishes at Niagara Falls.
Then comes my real life goals. One which is unspeakable as my heart only knows. And the other is this: I want to be an adoptive mother to an orphan child before I’m 50 and be up to the physical challenges of keeping up with a child.
After all is said and done, I may or may not reach my goals or realize my dreams, however, I want to live over 80 fighting to make them real.
